I have taken a new step in this now 8 years of my hairloss journey….. Full Circle? 14 months now since I began CRP treatments with Dr. Greco and after 3 + years of hair wearing, I am back to sporting my Bio full time, as of about 6 weeks ago. It’s crazy and believe me, also very very scary. I really never thought that this could happen, but my reaction to treatment with Dr. Greco has been so positive that at this point anyway, my bio hair looks nothing short of purely normal. Whatever that is…… My view of what normal hair is / looks like / feels like is so skewed from years of emotional hairloss trauma that sometimes I have to remind myself that true “normal” when it comes to hair just does not exist for me. Never will. IN my head anyway. But ON my head, for now, things are going well. Regardless, I do not feel like I will ever reach a point with my bio hair when I don’t think GIMME MORE HAIR!
Don’t get me wrong. I harbor absolutely no illusions about the high probability / fact that I may indeed need to wear hair again in the future. It’s been now more than a year since I’ve had any major shedding action (basically since I started treatment with Dr. Greco) but that doesn’t mean I feel safe from it. I don’t know that I ever will be. That’s CTE for you! But I am prepared for that….. I have grown my hair out since last year when I was sporting a shaved in the back / long in the front for blending with my wigs style until somewhat recently and I basically now have a short bob that right now looks like a blonde cloud…… i don’t love it and I feel like my whole last year of growing has kept me in a pretty awkward hairstyle but at least it’s growing growing growing….. And like I said, my hair looks incredibly normal at this point so it seems like a green light to have it keep looking good at a longer length. Fingers crossed! The moment my hair bio hair looks like ass again, I’ll change things up. I can tell you this though….. if / when I go back to super short hair – well, it’s staying that for good. Like forever and a day. Cuz growing out from super short / shaved to not short is not the most fun thing I’ve ever done….. And this is the second time around for me, from full on shaved to not short. If my bio hair goes, well, it all goes and it stays gone. I can always buy some more hair….. and to know that is certainly comforting.
I have taken precautions for my current situation. I have extra hair ready. Like ready for anything. My oldest wig, Olivia, has been cut into a short bob so that I can easily transition back if I need / want to at any point in time. I did wear my newly shortened wig for a few weeks after having her cut because I needed to be mentally READY for the transition back to BIO. As I have always said and will continue to say, hair wearing is about ME. All of this needs to be done on the timeline that makes ME comfortable. I spent years with hairloss making me uncomfortable with myself and that will not happen anymore. If I wanna go bio, I will. And if I start thinking it’s not so awesome, I’ll slap on a wig in a second. My helper hair is always at arms length.
My right temple is my barometer for all things hair related. If I am losing, that area just drops. Scary quick. When I first went to Dr. Greco and his team for treatment last September, that spot SUCKED. Like it was pretty much bare and it was becoming very hard to blend in with my wig front. We discussed how that was my worst spot. God, that was a hard appointment, going in with awful hair and having them examine it….. You all know just how traumatic it is to have anyone picking through your hair, no matter what your stage of all of this. Anyway, I truly had great results immediately from treatment and when I went back, his team actually commented (unsolicited) on how much better that area looked. Smiles! Yes, it did look better but I did ask if maybe with this second treatment, they could add a little bit of focus to that area and they did. Well, that area (which scares outta me always) is nothing short of furry, I swear! I love touching it. I have actual HAIR there! My husband actually told me my forehead was smaller. Ha. And indeed it is! Thankfully….. When I last saw Dr. Greco in late July for my last (third) treatment, he remarked on how amazing my improvement has been in that area and then he did add in our later correspondence when I told him I was actually considering morphing back into bio-ism, he said that yes, it might be a good idea to avoid pulling on that area with a wig because that area is clearly sensitive. Well, there ya go!
Moving forward to this next step has been very challenging and has had some stresses and as I said and I will never, ever be without a good stockpile of Helper Hair to use as needed or even as desired. I’m not super in love with my current bio cut and sometimes I have some anxiety about it and I’ve even had one idiotic colleague mention after my bio debut a few weeks ago (which came at a high mental price obviously) that my current haircut “ doesn’t really match my usually edgy style.” Thanks. She hasn’t even seen my bio hair in four years, by the way. But I mean for real???? Who says that shit? Oy. Pass the Xanax and champagne and move on…… Just add eye roll….. I do feel like with another inch or so I might feel better about my bio style and anyway, if things go down the drain (literally), I have my small army of Follea’s to reach for. I’m not fully back to making eye contact with the Bio hair version of me yet, but maybe some day. I am hopeful.
In my ideal world, well, dreamworld style, i’d get my original pretty pretty princess hair back! But that’s not very realistic. So my new ideal is that I can wear my bio hair forever and feel ok about it and it will look “ normal” but if / when it doesn’t or when I feel like wearing hair because truly i DO love the way I look more with long, flow wig hair, well, I’ll slap on a wig and go. I’ll take it as it comes and will always do whatever I need to do to be COMFORTABLE. I am going back for my fourth treatment with Dr. Greco in early December and I seriously cannot wait. Gimme more hair! Onward as always……